Friday, November 16, 2012

Oh holy crap

Get ready for the chameleon roaches.  The roaches down here in paradise have been genetically engineered to blend in so now instead just hiding when you turn on the light, they will instantly turn the color of their surroundings.  Well, that's not precisely true.  They use the equivalent of an invisibility cloak to bend light around themselves.  These are some nasty little creatures.  But don't worry.  Worrying won't do any good.

The only thing you can hope for is to have a qualified exterminator come in and take care of the issue.  Understand though, most treatments won't work because there's no way of getting a good estimate of how many there are.  Plus, you might not want to get rid of them the instant you detect them.  Chameleon roaches don't tolerate other roaches.  They will obliterate any current roaches in your home.   In fact, they were specifically designed for this purpose.

At first, it seemed like an ideal solution to a roach infested area.  Fight fire with fire, so to speak.  But when some of the first test homes began reporting missing pets,  a serious oversight had been realized.  The mutant roaches had grown.  Again measuring size was difficult because even at the size of a common housecat, the roaches were terribly difficult to detect.  It was not uncommon for one of these little monsters to sit at the dinner table, quietly lapping away at the gravy while the occupants ate, completely oblivious.

I don't think the chameleon roaches have made it this far north (I'm in Omaha right now for a family reunion, they call Thanksgiving).  Yeah my ancestors were pilgrims, so?

  But it's only a matter of time before they   ... Hey - What's eating my leg?  Ouch.  That hurts.  But I don't see any... Uh oh.  Goodbye.

The End?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

If you are a gnarly wave

I got bad news for you.  I'm back, whore!